The Battle
by Oneturtledove
Summary: Hell hath no fury like Victoria Gates. Slight crack fic.


A/N: I have no idea where this little crack fic came from. It's not even snowing.

* * *

"Ten minutes, you guys think you can handle this?" Esposito sneered, dark eyes turning into little slits as he walked by the desk.

"Are you kidding?" Beckett scoffed, leaning back in her chair with a skeptical eyebrow headed north. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into. And taking Ryan down with you. The betrayal is just so…"

"Delicious," Castle finished. "You'd better get your mittens boys."

"Mittens," Esposito muttered, rolling his eyes and flexing his muscles before sauntering off to see if he could procure some gloves from someone.

"They are going to rue the day they challenged us to a snowball fight."

Beckett nodded with a grin.

"You and me? Best. Partners. Ever," she agreed.

"We'll celebrate over dinner tonight. I think Baked Alaska is in order."

She chuckled and stood up from her desk, glancing into Gates' office quickly.

"I'm going to go suit up. Meet me up there?"

"With bells on."

She smiled and grabbed her bag from the side of the desk, then headed down to the locker room to change. In no time she had thermals on under her jeans and shirt, two jackets, a pair of latex gloves that she'd "borrowed" from Lanie under her real gloves, a big scarf and a hat. She would have grabbed ear muffs too, but she was certain that she would want to be able to hear. Starting to feel too warm already, she headed to the parking garage, taking the elevator up to the roof, which was wonderfully car-less. She moved to the corner and began to construct a wall of snow, humming to herself until Castle, Esposito, and Ryan joined her.

"Alright we need to lay down some ground rules. First, no intentional hits to the face."

"Second, time outs can be called for reloading, but each team is only allowed, what two?"

"Yeah two sounds good."

"Third rule, no packing anything but snow inside these snowballs."

"How do we know who wins?" Beckett asked, surveying her snow wall. The guys didn't seem to hear her, for they had gotten too involved in their talk of what exactly they could have packed into the snowballs, had the third rule not been made.

It wasn't long before there were walls of snow all over the roof of the parking garage, and Castle and Beckett sat behind one, packing snowballs and occasionally glancing over at Ryan and Esposito to see how they were faring in the creation of their munitions.

"Are you sure you're good at this?" Beckett asked, biting her lip as she looked at their stash.

"What, you think Laser Tag with Alexis has taught me nothing?"

"Doesn't she kick your butt every time lately?"

"Hey, life lessons. Are _you_ sure you're good at this?"

"Castle. I come from a family where everything is turned into a competition. There have been fist-fights over Easter egg hunts. I am excellent at this."

"Okay. Now, want to talk strategy?"

"Strategy? I'm here to win, I don't have to do it all fancy."

"This attitude worries me, Katherine Beckett."

She just smiled and added another snowball to her pile.

"Are you ready kids?" she hollered, peeking her head up over the snow. She was answered with a snowball, which sailed just over her shoulder, landing on the ground behind her.

"Missed!" Castle called, quickly lobbing two snowballs at the boys, who began to fire back. Soon, packed snow was flying everywhere, three cops and a writer were skittering across the slippery roof, and everyone except Beckett, it seemed, was getting hit. Castle was covered in snow much more than the other two, which had Beckett miffed.

"This isn't fair," she grumped, ducking down for shelter while she caught her breath. "He's a bigger target!"

"Hey!" he defended, sending a snowball at her, which slapped hard against her butt.

"OW!"

She chucked one back at him and before anyone could remind them they were on the same team, they had waged a war against each other. Ryan and Esposito watched in slack-jawed amusement as mom and dad circled each other, taunting and teasing while firing with pretty decent accuracy. Much later they would admit that Beckett was the snowball fight champion, but not at this moment.

It was one snowball meant for a brunette detective, that sent the rest of the afternoon into comical chaos.

Seeing the large snowball headed straight for her, Beckett ducked and rolled out of the way hearing the snow splatter against something, then deathly silence.

"MISTER CASTLE."

There stood Victoria Gates in the doorway, her red suit covered in snow, her eyes narrowed, fists clenched.

For his part, Castle seemed to shrink into himself, dropping his arms to his side, letting his bunch of snowballs crash sadly to the ground. Beckett lay silently in the snow, unsure whether she should burst into laughter or try and will herself to disappear. One glance at the boys and she found Ryan gaping at the entire situation while Esposito bit the inside of his cheek to try and suppress the laughter.

"I have tried very hard to accept your place on this team, Mr. Castle. It was out of my hands and I could have fought to get you out but I didn't think it worth my time or energy. Now, however, I am angry, I am cold, and I am changing my mind. I want you in my office in five minutes."

With that she stormed back downstairs, the door slamming behind her.

"That… that was a great one, bro," Esposito said sadly, patting him on the shoulder. "If Beckett had about zero training, you would have had her."

"Thanks, 'Sito."

"Better go face the music, Castle."

"Is she really going to kick me out?"

"You think she really wants to tell the mayor she lost track of four adults for half an hour? That she got hit in the chest with a snowball and now she's pouting and wants you gone? Castle, she just wants to yell at you a little. You'll be fine."

* * *

"She's sending me home for the day," he grumped fifteen minutes later, after getting the reaming out of his life. "And I am not allowed to "participate in any office shenanigans" for three weeks, no matter how tame they may be."

"I see. I'm sorry Castle."

"It's okay."

"You'd better go ahead and get out of here."

"Can't. She said if I want to act like a child then she will treat me like one. She called mother to come and pick me up. Of course, mother uses a deep snowfall as an excuse to day drink. So Alexis is driving her."

She can't help it. The laugh that bubbles up out of her chest is loud and long and she drops her face into her arms, her body shaking with mirth, tears streaming down her face.

"Shut up Beckett."

"I can't help it! This whole thing wasn't even your idea and you're still in trouble for it. You'd probably be fine if your aim didn't suck so bad."

"Hey, is this Pick-On-Castle-Day or what?"

"Yes, didn't you get the memo?"

"People still write memos?"

"Mass text then."

"I am never coming in on a Sunday ever again. If there was anything to do, none of this would have happened."

"Yes, if someone had been tragically murdered, maybe you wouldn't have hit Gates with a giant snowball. Perspective."

"I said shut up, Beckett."

She continued to laugh and he continued to grumble until the redheads showed up to take him home.

"There, finally, two people who love me."

"Richard, I though the days when someone called me to pick you up because of your behavior were over."

"Okay, one person who-"

"Picking my own father up because he can't act his age," Alexis added, shaking her head. "I mean really, what's next? A call from the fire department because you got stuck in a baby swing?"

"They were all having a snowball fight too!" Castle grumbled, throwing his arm wildly around. "It wasn't even my idea!"

"Yes, and if someone had been murdered, this never would have happened?" Beckett added with a cheeky grin.

"You're not funny."

"No, that's right. I'm hilarious. C'mon Castle, we'll scrap the victory dinner and call it your last meal instead."

"Fine, but I'm not cooking."

"That's probably best. With your failures today, there's no telling what kind of havoc you might wreak on your kitchen."

"But-"

"I have to side with her on this one dad," Alexis winced, shaking her head. "Bad luck comes in threes. I don't think you're driving home either."

"I hate this day," he muttered, grabbing his coat off the chair and shooting a death stare into Gates' office.

"Let's get you out of here Richard. There are firearms in this place."

"Mother!"

"Bye Castle," Beckett laughed. "And good luck."

"Be over at seven," he grumbled. "And leave the jokes here."


End file.
